Psalm 62: The wrong way

As Christians our purpose, worth and value as people comes directly from our God. More specifically it comes from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When we look to other places to fullfill this role in our lives things get really out of whack. For men we most commonly look to work for this. For women it may come from her children, husband or anywhere she serves others. These things are very important but these things are not a strong foundation to build your life upon. They will let you down. What happens if you get fired or your kid tells you they hate you, or your husband divorces you? Your world comes crashing down. However, if we build our house upon the rock (Jesus) our foundation can never crumble.

I used to be a serious work-a-holic, but after doing that for a long time it destroyed my relationship with God and my wife. I was doing a good thing but work became my Lord. In the crises that followed I had to choose to re-order my life and put God as my God instead of work. This was not an easy choice or process because I was getting the accolades at work. At home... not so much. With God's direction and strength, Over time I did look to Him to be my rock and refuge. It was not quick or easy. I had to repair years of relational neglect.

It took several years to nurture and develop my relationship with Him (and my family). In the end God has brought and continues to bring miraculous restoration and beauty into my life and my marraige. (Thank you Lord!)

In psalm 62 it talks about looking to God to be our salvation, our fortress our hope our rock and our fortress. We need this to live in the very harsh world we live in. Look at the original version and then check out the one that I modified and replaced God with something else. An I ask the question. What are you putting in that place?

The real psalm 62:1-8
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down-this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

psalm 62-The wrong way (I love verse 8)
My soul finds rest in my job alone; my salvation comes from it. My job alone is my rock and my salvation; it is my fortress, I will never be shaken. How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Find rest, O my soul, in my job alone; my hope comes from it. My job alone is my rock and my salvation; it is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on My job;it is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in your job at all times, O people; pour out your hearts for it, for our job is your refuge.

How I rejected my "New Name"

In the book "Wild at Heart" it has a section where it covers how we can discover our true identity. Many times our true self has been hidden or obscured because of our past hurts and the false personalities that we create to protect ourselves. our true identity is given to us by God at birth and He is the only one who can reveal it if we desire to know it. Once we dismantle the false self and hopefully get some inner healing, we then can ask God about our new name. This is by no means universal but many people will receive a new name from God when they ask Him for it. Some will get more than one. Some even get the name that they received from their parents at birth. The new name is like a metaphor that represents who you really are and the life you are supposed to live. It may even reveal your life calling. In my case I was very excited to ask God the question. All my life my favorite biblical character was Daniel. (of the Lion's Den) He seemed such a strong man of Faith and Integrity. Even God called him "Highly Esteemed". He was one of the few biblical characters who had no record of him messing up. In any case I went into the question with a strong expectation that my name would be Daniel and when it wasn't I was very confused. I did not respond well. Basically what happened was God said "You are my Moses" I said Huh? Moses?? Didn't he bring in the law? Didn't he have to deal with all those whiny Jews in the desert? He didn't even make it into the Promised Land. I completely rejected it as not from God and then basically forgot about it. Fast forward a year later. At that time I was leading a group of women (including my wife) through Wild at Heart. It was at that time that my bride got her new name. She was so excited and it was a such special event. We celebrated it. It was a beautiful thing. The next morning I came to God and I was whining myself. I said God why did Cara get her new name and I don't even have mine yet? Then the Lord reminded me. "I gave you your name a year ago and you rejected it" I remembered it and I could tell that I had grieved the Lord. I really hurt him. I was broken and very sad and I repented in tears and asked for His forgiveness. I was so sorry that I had rejected Him. He showed me so much grace and mercy. Afterwards, I asked for Him to show me my new name again. He spoke these words to me. "You are my Moses. You are to lead my chosen ones(Christians) from the slavery of Egypt(The World) into the Promise land of my love. Set the captives free" These words went right to my heart. I knew it was true. This was my passion; to help believers experience healing and freedom and to enter into a deeper relationship with Christ. I was so thankful to God for his patience with my immaturity. Lord to you be the glory!

Conclusion; Learn from my mistake. If you ask God for your new name, don't reject it when you get it. Take the name you get, research it and test it to see if it fits. Try it on. Most names have meanings and themes based upon their origin. find out what it means and see if it stirs your heart. That's a good sign that you heard right. Enjoy!

My Favorite Resources

Obviously the Bible is by far our best resource and we all should make it our life's goal to learn and know God's word more and more. However, I know that many folks want know what other books and resources have helped me in my journey. Below is the Short list of resources that have been very influential to my Faith. I have marked with an asterisk my most treasured resources.

Note: I am an auditory learner so many of these are audio resources.
The Items in Blue are only in audio format only

Intimacy and Walking with God:
Developing a Conversational Relationship with God-Ransomed Heart
*Intimacy with God-Gary Oates
*Walking with God-John Eldredge
*How to Fall and Stay in love with Jesus-Nancy Leigh DeMoss
How to hear the voice of God in a Noisy World-Teresa Seputis
The Pursuit of God A.W. Tozer
Experiencing God-Henry Blackaby
The Secret Place-Dr Dale Fife
Why not waste time with God-Mike Evans
Listening Prayer: learning to hear God’s voice and keep a prayer journal

The Christian Life:
***The 4 Streams-Ransomed Heart***
*The Utter Relief of Holiness-Ransomed Heart
My Utmost for His Highest-Oswald Chambers
*Wild at Heart Bootcamp(For Men)-John Eldredge
Captivating (For Women)-John Eldredge
Crises of Care in the Christian Community-Larry Crabb

Faith, Healing, Prayer and Spiritual Warfare:
*The Healing Light-Agnes Sanford
*Learning to do what Jesus Did-Wholeness Ministries
**Healing the Broken Hearted-Kathi Oates
**The Hope of Prayer-Ransomed Heart
Victory over the darkness-Neil Anderson
Healing Presence: Curing the Soul through Union with Christ-Leanne Payne

"Eagerly Desire The Greater Gifts."

Preface: I know many theologians believe that the gifts of the Spirit died with the Apostles. I Bear no grudge for their position. If you also hold to that belief then I would suggest that you not read this posting.



Several years back I was spending some time in the book of 1 Corinthians. Specifically, I was trying to understand spiritual gifts, their relevance and their purpose. Near the end of chapter 12 it says:

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts. "



At that time I was struck by the phrase "eagerly desire the greater gifts" It stirred up a desire in me to have these gifts. I began to pray that every day for God to give me the greater gifts. (At that point as far as I could tell I had none of the gifts, so I guess any would have been greater) I prayed this daily for a couple months without much progress. Then out of the blue God instructed me to make contact with a local pastor who I listened to on Christian radio. His instruction was for me to "submit myself to him and receive the blessing by the laying on of hands" I thought that it was a very weird command from God. It seemed out of context. I didn't want to seem like a stalker or something, so I did not do it (Otherwise known as disobedience)

God reminded me of this several times ,but I kept blowing it off. Finally one day I shared with my wife and friend Kim what God had told me to do and how weird it was. They asked me if I had done it and I said no. To them it seemed crazy that I had not obeyed God and they hit me pretty hard about doing what I was told. Now that it was in the open I felt really bad about my disobedience. I repented to God and asked for His forgiveness. Finally, I did send the pastor an email and I got no response. A week later I called his office and left a message; no response. A few days after that I called his church office and they gave me a number where I could contact him. I talked to him and explained that God told me to contact him and that I should submit to him and receive the blessing by the laying on of hands. He said that before he would do it, that he would have to get to know me more and that God would perhaps show us more. He suggested attending his church one Sunday. I agreed and we went as a family the next Sunday. This was an adventure because this was a full gospel style church and my family was mainly exposed to more mainline denominations. Needless to say my kids were weirded out by the 1 hour of praise and worship and 1 hour sermon and all the people jumping and clapping and shouting. My wife and I really enjoyed it. In any case they mentioned in the service that they were doing a special "healing" service the following Sunday because God was leading them that many were needing it. He indicted that it had been 25 years since they had their last healing service and this was a very special event. When I heard that I was very excited. I just knew that we needed to be there for that.

After church I talked with the Pastor and I told him that I had listened to him on the radio and how God asked me to submit to him. I know submission was an important aspect because I had never really submitted to a pastor before. I was thinking that this was what God was doing with this whole thing. The pastor said to come next week and we will see what God does. This time I didn't bring the kids but my wife Cara and my best friend Chris came to see what God was going to do. (each if them had their own dramatic encounter with God during this service but I am not covering that in this post)


So the following is the account of that healing service as documented in my journal:


During the extended Praise and worship time (two hours) I was seeking God to find out why I was there and as they were asking folks to get in line for prayer God revealed to me why I was there. He reminded me of all the times that I had asked for the "greater gifts" He was answering that prayer by first giving me the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Finally I knew what to ask for! We had to fill out a prayer request card to give to the person praying for you and this is what my card said exactly:


"I have been led by the Holy Spirit to submit to Pastor "" for anointing and to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Spirit"


Now I knew that the instruction was that it had to be the senior pastor who was supposed to pray for me, but when I got in the prayer line he was not praying for folks. He was overseeing things but not praying for individuals. I was confused because I knew it had to be him. Well I just left it in God's hands. I figured it would work out. As it turned out I was in the line where the Pastor's son was praying. I then thought that perhaps I misunderstood and that it was his son that would pray since he had the same last name.

When it was my turn I gave my prayer request card to him and explained the history to him. He then recognized my name (his Dad must have mentioned it to him) He asked me if I had ever spoke in tongues. I said no. He explained that when you speak in tongues you will feel vibrations in your lower stomach. when you feel that you just have to open your mouth and not fight it. Just let it come out. After this explanation he asked me if I wanted his Dad to pray for me. I said that I am just trying to be obedient. He and another person started to pray for me. after a short time his Dad came over to me and he re-explained how to let out speaking in tongues. Then he took some oil and put it in his hands and then on my forehead. It was a lot of oil so it ran down. I immediately began to shake. My whole body was shaking! He told me to raise my hands and worship the Lord and he walked away. I was overwhelmed with Joy! I was shouting with Praise and my stomach was shaking violently. Then I while I was shouting I could tell that I was not saying what I was thinking. I was thinking in English but what was coming out was something altogether different. It was another language! I slid in and out of English and another language. I kept shaking and worshipping God. I was there front and center of the Altar a long time until it subsided. Cara was nearby me then and Pastor invited her by my side and he then prayed for both of us for God's blessing and that we would be a powerful couple for God.


What a blessed day! Thus my journey into spiritual gifts was launched. God was trying to answer my earnest request for months and I was the one holding up the show. Of course He was able to overcome my disobedience


He wants to answer our prayers so much. He loves us more than we can comprehend and he wants to give us good gifts, but so often we simply don't want to ask or receive them.

Honor your Father and Mother

I have already shared with you the story of how I had to deal with my unforgivess of my Father (See my first Inner Healing Post) Now I want to share the account of how I gave "honor" to my Mom. At the time this event happened I was studying the things that hinder our prayers. I was reading a book on the topic and one of the items listed as a prayer roadblock was the issue of not honoring our Father and Mother. Of course I was feeling pretty good about myself on this topic. After all, I had forgiven my Dad, I thought I was good. However, I did ask God about this and he stopped me in my tracks. It was like he was waiting for that. He showed me how in many ways I did not respect my Mom. There was clearly an attitude of dishonor that was there. I was very sad about this revelation. Once again this attitude was below the surface of my conscious thoughts. I confessed it to God and asked His forgiveness. It was not as cathartic as it was with my Dad, but there was a significant release after I confessed and repented.

Of course I asked God the next question: Is there anything else I need to do? He said "You must honor her" I knew what he meant. I knew I needed to tell her to her face. As it turned out Mothers day was only a few days away and we were going to her house. The timing was perfect. I was nervous about doing it, but I knew this needed to happen. While we were there I kneeled down next to her chair (She doesn't move too well) and asked her forgiveness for not honoring her the way I should have as my Mother. I told her that she was a good Mom. I recounted some of the wonderful things she had done for me growing up. She always took care of me. She was always around to make dinner and my school lunches (which were always the best at my lunch table)

Even though she was not a touchy feeley kind of person I rembered that when I was sick she would hold a cool wash cloth on my head and how good that felt. She always made sure that I had ginger ale by my bed when I had an upset stomache. Whenever I really needed money for something she would make sure I had it. (we didnt have much of that). She gave so much of herself to the family (and many others) She truly was a good Mom.

These words of affirmation were what she needed to hear. They went right to her heart. I think that she thought that she was not a good Mom because most of her kids did not make good choices. But it was not her fault. During this whole time my Brother and daughter were in the room to encourage her. I also called my Sister so that she could participate via speakerphone.

After the honoring part, I knew we were supposed to pray for her and we did this as a family. It was a really beautiful event and I thanked God for His grace and guidance and for giving me the courage to love.

While I personally experienced some healing and breakthrough because of this event I think that there was some healing of my Mom and the family too. This is God's desire for all of us. To bring life and joy and freedom into all our relationships!

Spiritual Forgetfulness; The Importance of Journaling

It is amazing to me the things that I can forget. I have had many life events that at the time were very significant, yet now I look back and they are now gone from my memory. This has also been very true for my spiritual journey. I have experienced tremendous life changing things with God. I have been blessed with many significant breakthroughs, revelations and miraculous events, yet when I look back most of them are completely gone for my memory.

This is why I recommend Journaling!

The first few years of my new found relationship with God, I did not document much of it. I was flying high and loving it and I know a lot happened, but unfortunately I have lost a lot of those memories. When I did finally begin to journal I asked God to bring to recollection some of those early and undocumented events. By His grace He did help me to write down some of the key memories. Many are lost forever. To make it clear, I was never a hard line every day journal guy. I was more focused on writing down the significant events, like an inner healing or a revelation, a Word from God, or a spiritual breakthrough. This wasn't a bad approach. it wasnt a huge burdan and at least the big things were not lost. I was also pretty good about documenting my periodic struggles when I had them. However, last year out of laziness, I stopped writing in it altogether.

I do believe that when I got lazy about my journal this last year that it affected my spiritual growth rate. I had stopped writing my struggles and the questions I had in my heart and I had stopped documenting the things God was doing in me. Because of this I believe my heart and spirit began to get distracted and my prayer life was fragmented.

Recently the Lord challenged me to begin journaling again. This time as a daily habit. He conveyed to me that when I bring my journal into my time with Him that I come expecting to hear from Him (and this was something he wanted). It helps to keep me focused and on track in my prayers. It also helps me to come into partnership with God as he reveals the areas he wants to work on in me. It also helps me to remember to acknowledge daily all that God is doing for me.

I am so grateful for all the things I have written down over the years. When I am feeling sorry for myself or simply need a boost, I will go read my old journal entries and remember all the times that God has intervened on my behalf. This always encourages me. I am reminded of all the done great and wonderful things that he has done for me in the past and it renews my faith and confidence that he will do it again.

A journal a precious gift. It is your testimony of your God's love and it is the story of your spiritual life. That is why I am telling all of you who are pursuing God seriuosly that a journal is not an option. It is a mandatory resource for those wanting to grow in the things of God.


Remember what God has done and to give Him thanks and praise for his love and grace.

Deuteronomy 7:17-19
You may say to yourselves, "These nations are stronger than we are. How can we drive them out?" But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt. You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out. The LORD your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear.

My First Inner Healing Experience

There is something you need to know. When you draw close to God and develop a conversational relationship with Him, many things begin to happen. One of the things that happens is that God begins to expose some of the things in your heart that need to be dealt with. It may be attitudes, sin, bondage, or unforgiveness. Many times it is emotional wounds that need healing. My first breakthrough actually had several of these issues involved.

The precursor to this event was that I was specifically praying Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

This is a dangerous prayer, but it was my true desire then and it continues to be today. I want to be whole and holy(Romans 15:16) and I am yielded to his sanctifying work in me. One of the first things he exposed was my self-hatred, but that was not my first healing breakthrough. For me it was forgiving my Father.

Here is how it went down: One day when praying that prayer the Lord showed me that I was carrying hurt and unforgiveness toward my Dad. The hurt was focused mainly upon the fact that he was not involved in my growing up too much. I was number 6 boy in a family of 7 kids and by the time I came on the scene my folks were pretty tired. they had 5 really difficult boys before me and I think their spirits were broken. In any case I had many significant life events that he did not attend. I never said anything or made a big deal of it at the time but it was affecting me deep within. Most notably I went to the State Track meet twice and he did not go. I was interpreting it all as rejection. Keep in mind that this was below my awareness. But now the The Holy Spirit uncovered it.

When I saw it for its true magnitude, I was broken. It hurt severely, but God brought up memory after memory that I felt that rejection and loneliness. In addition I felt the guilt of holding the unforgiveness. The Lord showed me that this unforgiveness was affecting my relationship with Him as my heavenly Father. It was dishonoring my earthly Father. This was excruciating! I was in a heap with racking sobs of pain and sorrow for qute some time. In between the sobs I renounced the dishonor of my Father. When it subsided I felt a significant release. I then asked the Lord. What else do I need to do? He said "Forgive him" This again brought the sobs of sorrow. Again, I brought him before the Lord and told God that I forgive him and I released him from any accountability in it. I also laid down any right I had to hold offense against him. When I did this it brought in an amazing release of Joy! I felt a huge weight removed from my being! I felt lighter and more free in my spirit but also in my physical body. I then asked the Lord, Is there anything else I must do? He said "yes, You must tell him in person that you forgive him and ask him for his forgiveness"

Now this was a whole different thing. I felt very insecure about doing this face to face, not knowing how he would interpret it all. I did not respond to this command immediately. I felt very awkward. However, not long after this event he had a heart attack and he was in the hospital. It took the seriousness of that event to get me to talk to him. I visited him in the hospital room and I told him that I forgave him for not being a part of my growing up. I also asked for his forgiveness for everything that I had been holding against him.

He was taken aback and confused. in fact, he did not respond to either statement. After a few minutes he started to cry and he apologized for not being the Dad he should have been. We both started to cry then and I hugged him as he was lying in the hospital bed. It was the most real and tender moment that we had ever had. After a while I sat by his bedside and he shared more of his regrets of mistakes that he made in his life. I listened and I told him that it was ok, that God had forgiven him. He must forgive himself. I looked at him in the eyes and I told him that I loved him. It was totally a God orchestrated moment and I could sense God's smile upon us. I dont think he ever forgave himself but from then on our relationship was closer and I thank God that I had a few years in which he was alive and it was healthy between us. I cant describe the level of freedom that I felt after this healing and breakthrough!

Thanks be to God who heals our hearts! (Psalm 147:3)

epilog:
This was the beginning of many healings and breakthroughs that the Lord has done in me. I will share more in future blogs, but I want you all to know that God has this for you. When we seek intimacy with Him, he will bring these things up so that he can heal us and set us free. This is just an expression of His love for us.