"I Love You"

I was a Christian for over 25 years before I really began to pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus. I read the bible almost everyday. I prayed. I went to church every week. I tithed. I was involved in many small groups as participant and leader. I was even in a Praise and worship band for 5 years. While these things were valuable and they helped me keep a focus on my faith they did not lead me into a close walk with God. In many ways these activities were a replacement for an active and vibrant relationship with my maker. I knew that as a born again believer I had access to the very throne of God (Heb 4:16) but I didn't know what that meant in practical terms. About 9 years ago while leading a group of men through the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and listening to the Wild at Heart boot camp CD, John challenged the men to seek God and to ask Him what he thought of them. It seemed like a dangerous question. He also warned that it would not be easy to get into a posture of being able to hear an answer. Pretty much everything (The world , flesh and devil) will fight against this pursuit of God's heart. Indeed, it was extremely difficult! In fact it took me about 30 days of seeking him every morning before I heard an answer. This is how it went. I would get up very early every morning to pray and seek God. Without fail, every time I would try to turn my attention directly to God to ask the question, I would have some distracting thought (I gotta get the oil changed ETC) or I would hear a noise in the house (at 5am???) the phone would ring. I would think about TV shows and I don't even watch TV. I would start praying for someone else instead of asking God the question at hand. I fought off sleepiness every morning and many times fell asleep in the middle of a prayer. you name it, and it was all at play. The first few days amounted to about 5 minutes of total prayer time each day. each day this time increased and it did get better. I didn't even try to ask anything of God for many days. I suppose that secretly some of it was that I was afraid of the answer I might hear or even worse that he wouldn't answer at all. There were several times I asked and heard nothing. Other times I heard bad things. I did know that God would never condemn me, tempt me or be unkind, so I knew that when I heard those things that it was the enemy speaking. All I can say is that those first 30 days were brutal but it was well worth it! After 30 days of frustration and distraction I learned some things from other people that I employed to help me minimize the difficulties and help me get into God's presence. (I will list some of these things at the end of this blog) about day 31 I was ready. I was on my knees and facing God. I was engaged and in spirit and in my imagination I was kneeling before him. It was Jesus, not the Father who was in front of me. I asked him Lord, what do you think of me? He said softly and directly to my heart.... "I Love You" I knew it was Him speaking! This absolutely wrecked me. I broke down into sobs of joy! I mean I knew he loved me. He died for me. But this was not just knowing about His love, this was knowing His love personally! Since that day my life has not been the same. Hearing Him speak changes everything! That is enough for this post. I will share more of my spiritual journey in future posts. For those of you interesting in seeking God's voice, I highly recommend it.

It is available to all to whom Jesus is Lord.

Here are few things that help me in my prayer time and also in hearing God's voice:

* Praying out loud. It helps with minimizing distractions
* Praying (or singing) the psalms.
* Be real when interacting with God. Take off the mask(s)
* Confess known sins and ask for forgiveness
* Praise and worship before prayer time
* Leave time to listen to what God has to say. Be still and quiet
* If you know you are going to be sleepy, bring a coffee or other hot drink to sip on